01 December 2005
was out with can and wil this afternoon. we did some catching up and wilson was complaining about his girlfriend. we exchanged views and then i got enlightened. later on, we hoped by funan to get my xBox and went to meet hui. was nice meeting them catching up and stuff. but sth was buggin me from deep within. him? yepps him. i feel like i'm ignored recently. i don't know. probably i'm diggin too much in.
okay first, i was tellin pantle that turning les has recently crossed my mind and i'm pretty perturbed by this idea. i wonder what has went wrong. mm hm.. then i was telling her about wabbit like how things are now. i mean maybe i was really mad as in nuts and thinking too much but certain things seemed to have changed. and she asked.
"are you sure you will be fine without him?"
"err.."
"alright as in, you know you guys have been together for like 3 long years and suddenly he isn't there anymore is going to feel empty. you get it?"
"i'm not dumb pantle i do. but right now, somethings just don't feel right."
"like what?"
i can't point that out. but i do feel it. i had the same feeling before. and she told me probably it was just a passin thing. i said,"yeah maybe".
i swear i really want things to turn out hundred times better. or maybe i was just imagining things. i don't know unless i'm being told. sometimes i wish that he reads my blog yet sometimes, i chooe to enclose things within.
next.
wilson was asking me how things are between me and wabbit. i mentioned a little on how things are recently. and he told me i should probably give a little more trust. as in that was what i interpreted. i guess it enlightened me a little. i was thinking yeah maybe that's true. even though he had done many really mean stuff before, he would tone down a little because he likes you. if it continues then maybe he doesn't? but then again, it isn't the first time, is it not? but i really think i'm a little demanding to stop him from goin out with her. but is it really my fault. he agreed on that promise right?(or maybe he did that unwillingly).
i wish he gets to read this. i mean i was really sorry about being all that demanding all along. and it gave me the thought to let go because i didn't want us to be like that. at least we had happy memories to keep right. but some how things have really changed between us. i know he feels it too. i'm not surprised. he says i'm turning scary maybe i really am. i have a lot to tell him recently. but he's ignoring me. hm.. i hope he reads this. i have resolutions for our relationship as of now.
- i'm not going to stop him from going out with other girls even though i hate it like nuts.
- he could probably find a better girl through this.(i'll be hurt but i'll be happy for him)
- i promise i'm not goingto blame him for anything anymore.
- i swear i'm not goin to demand anymore.
- at least i'm trying right.
- a promise to myself. give him the due trust.
- it's really not like i don't trust him. but i really hate beind lied to. i really do.
i'm goin to end this here. but i really hope he stops ignoring me. because i have more impt things to do with him and telling him all these. you know, it's hard to bring this up in front of a love one. i guess trust is really that important. i'm willing to trust him now, NOW. from deep down, i'm really sorry. what do you think?
i love him anyhow. i feel silly. but i don't believe in reciprocating because it's never the same.
